Author: Carlos Alguera
Personally, I do not care for most of the subjects people passionately debate; in fact, I wish I was more like my friend Madison, who I firmly believe is physically incapable of caring about anything.
But I noticed a new trend, one in which companies and people are harmed because they do not align with a certain set of opinions. Some recent examples of this are Uber, the transportation service, whose market share and stock price took a hit because of its negative involvement with the travel ban or Under Armour, the apparel company who got public retaliation from the public and the athletes they sponsor when the CEO of the company spoke in favor of president Trump.
This begs the question: is having an opinion dangerous? Well the answer might be, yes.
According to experts, Homo sapiens appeared about 100,000 years ago. And despite the Kardashians, humankind has made incredible progress. We conquered fire, discovered the wheel, tamed animals, erected buildings, and created ice cream.
Sadly, one evolutionary trait that has alluded humanity is the ability to get along, or at least disagree peacefully. The concept of “Agree to disagree” is an endangered thought and instead we live in an era of “you’re either with me or against me”. Completely made up studies show that an increasing number of people cannot understand the concept of a non-binary opinion—you’re either a liberal or a conservative, you like Real Madrid or FC Barcelona, you like pineapple on pizza or you hate it.
We might be in the presence of the next step in human evolution, the Homo-Annoying, a not so distant relative of the Homo-Troll, and the species that will force the Homo sapiens to extinction. While the Homo sapiens, who used spears, arrows, and fire to hunt its pray, the Homo-Annoying uses electronic devices, social media, and mob mentality to attack his foes.
In order to understand this new creature, I risked my own mental sanity to conduct research since the sightings of the Homo-Annoying were more frequent during the election process in the United States. Although I must admit I had a preference on who I would’ve liked to have been the president, but as a non-citizen of the United States, not only could I not cast a vote, I couldn’t have cared less who was the winner of the election. That being said, I did take advantage of this situation to talk to some people about their opinions, and in certain cases, I tried to push their buttons to see how they would react. Although it was entertaining at first, I must say it soon got boring and annoying.
During this great time for debate, I got called many things by my right-wing friends such as a communist, ignorant, Mexican, and I was kindly invited to leave the country in a couple of occasions. These were not only my right-wing friends who had less than kind words, my left-wing friends called me Machista, a capitalist, racist, and again, Mexican. They even said I could get deported if I didn’t support the crusade.
After finishing the experiment, there was one question that still loomed large: where did this new species originate? Although there is no conclusive information, experts believe it was birthed in California. One thing is certain, it has proven to travel large distances and reproduce at an alarming rate. But, fear not—I will provide all the information you need about this new creature.
The Homo-Annoying, and his cousin, the Homo-Troll share certain traits such as being dangerous, reproducing easily, and using social media as their weapon of choice. However unlike the Homo-Troll, a creature who targets people or companies for the pleasure of it, the Homo-Annoying is a reactive creature. If not engaged, it will not attack. Another notable difference is their hunting habits. The Homo-Trolls are similar to sharks even though they are known as a solitary species, there are instances in which they form packs and attack a large prey. In contrast, the Homo-Annoying is more similar to lions, who normally attack in packs, but are still known to engage multiple targets at the same time if necessary.
Additionally, the Homo-Annoying seem to have three subspecies such as:
Sport HA: This is the first subspecies of the Homo-Annoying found by scientists. It is said to be as old as television. Normally encountered in sporting events, bars, or anywhere that sports can be debated, this subspecies is known for trash talking, drunkenly insulting the rival sport team, players or fans. Of them all, it’s the least dangerous one. One example of this is Hunter Pence, a player of the San Francisco Giants, who must endure constant insults for his appearance.
Political HA: There are more sightings of this subspecies during election year. In the early stages of the election process, they are broken into smaller groups who vigorously attack anybody who dislikes their candidate of choice, labeling any opposition as ignorant. As the election process goes to its final stage, they separate into two teams: the right wing and the left wing. At this stage they are more dangerous since they have organized into larger groups. An example of this would be AirBnB. The company decided to air a super bowl ad that they conveyed a message opposing president Trump’s immigration ban. Trump supporters quickly called for a boycott.
Social Issues HA: As the most dangerous of the three subspecies, this Homo-Annoying is driven by its core values, and violently attacks anybody who disagrees with them. Even if you agree with their cause, the slightest agreement with anybody that opposes their crusade can easily turn them from friend to a foe. An example of this is Starbucks. The coffee giant decided to take a pro-stance in the heated debate of gay marriage. This decision outraged their conservative clients and they decided to boycott the company, causing their stock price to take a hit. It was not long until those who were on Starbucks’ side decided to boycott the boycott and the stock price quickly recovered.
To deal with the Homo-Annoying I recommend:
- Do not engage. If you can avoid these types of people, by all means do.
- If not engaging with them is not an option, stay away from the previously mentioned subjects.
- If you find yourself being dragged into a dangerous conversation, try to stir the conversation into a more pleasant subject.
- Do not agree just to avoid the subject, you’ll look condescending and that infuriates them even more.
- Lastly, if you’ve been dragged into the situation and you can’t manage to escape, change your name, move to another city or kill them before they tell their friends because you’ve just made an enemy for the rest of your life.
In conclusion, the Homo-Annoying is a dangerous species that can take many forms. Its natural enemy is itself or anyone that disagrees with them, whether it’s a company or a person. Do not take this creature lightly—not having an opinion will not keep you safe from them, the Homo-Annoying is the next step in evolution. And, as any evolved species, the first thing they do is exterminate its predecessor.
Be afraid, be very afraid. They are taking the world by storm, just look at who’s sitting in the oval office.